Salt * Wet * Fish

If you haven’t watch Singapore Dreaming the movie, you should. And if you haven’t heard of Singapore Dreaming, where have you been?

Unlike Yawning Bread’s opinion of the movie, I thought it was very well done, bringing in multi-facets of a portion of the Singaporean life and well-paced enough for the audience to be emotionally tuned to the story. Yawnie’s complain that the movie did not do more to uncover why we are so troubled as Singaporean, however, I thought that it might be an overkill and adds too much complexity to the story. I feel that the movie’s aim is to bring out common issues that Singaporeans struggle with and allow us to decide and reflect within ourselves on those issues.

The movie started slow… it had to. The time is needed to set the tone, the mood and to develop the characters for the movie. If you are looking for some fantastic and twisted plot, this is not the movie to go for… in many ways, it is so ordinary that you may fall asleep reading the script. Yet, the fantastic casts did a good job, allowing us as the audience to identify with the characters and their issues and even their dreams. The movie reminds us all how tired we can be just trying to live by day to day sometimes and gets us to stop and ask the questions “Where are we are rushing to?”, “What is really important in life?”.

But one thing that I hope people don’t leave the cinemas with is the impression that insurance agents are losers or that they have no other alternatives but to become an insurance agent, although for some people, this may be true. Unfortunately that theme ran strongly in the movie and the audience may just pick it up unconsciously even though they know it’s only a movie.

In the movie, Dick plays the wayward son, who never liked to study and could not study and yet the parents sent him off to the US to finish a degree. Later, he got money from his father to buy a car, even before he found a job. To many of us, this is the ultimate spoilt and ungrateful son with no sense of responsibility and priority. But have we reflected on why this may be so? Is the son already like this the moment he is born? It’s too easy to blame the son, but I feel that the parents and somewhat society’s perception of success contributed to his character as he is growing up.

In a confrontation with his sister, the son revealed his own tortured self as he was always trying to be good enough to the parents, being the only son. His parents consistently got him to study, even though he could not make it, neglect the sister, and even went into debts to send him to the US to study, even though he may not be cut out for studying. He is also constantly reminded of how “important” he is to the family and its future, to bring the family out of the rut and stay in a condominium, to drive a nice car, get a good career and get married and give them a grandson.

Could he not oblige? Have parents even thought of how much pressure, guilt and shame that they instill into their children, esp. the son, with the parent’s own hopes and dreams, instead of their children’s own? Is this what producing children and parenting is all about? Forcing the children to live the unattainable dreams of the parents? Unfortunately, we see too much of these around, esp. for those who are gay sons and daughters.

Are the parents all to be blamed? What about society’s, mass media’s & government’s role in shaping these ideas and value system? Don’t they also play a big part in molding the parents and inevitably the son?

The movie also brought another aspect of Singaporeans which is quite common; the detached and under-appreciated workers. Yann Yann plays Mei the sister, whose husband (yu beng) is trying very hard to be an insurance salesman and her baby is due soon. She works as a secretary for a firm who boss depended on her greatly. Yet, she only realised how she was taken for granted by her boss, when she was recalled back in the middle of her father’s funeral to help out in very minor issues in the office and, of course, asking her to get coffee for him. Yet Mei realise that she cannot quit only because she is really the sole breadwinner for this family and the unborn child. Before this, she had to help out her boss’ unreasonable wife whose maid ransack and maid off with valuables in the house and the wife treated her like a maid.

How many bosses reflect on their behaviours towards our subordinates when we have reached the top and even reflected on our own? How many our bosses treat us like they owned us? How many of them treat us like we cannot do without them, when the truth is that they can never succeed without us? Yet many times, Singaporeans are so in debt, producing babies, supporting family, catching up with the Jones, that they have to keep working, albeit now detached and unmotivated. Of course, we can say that they chose the path themselves… but when you are surviving day to day with dependents, such philosophical thoughts are but a luxury.

It also brings out the ugly side of the rich and spoilt. Many people may stay in a condo, drive BMW or porche and have diamond bigger than their eyes… how many have good and gracious characters to match these quality goods? Too often we see the rude BMW or Mercedes driver who never gives way and treats the road like they own it. Too often, people in condos treat maid and people not on par with them with disdain and like they are royalty. Too often people flashes their diamonds around, but would not lift a hand to help the fallen beggar on the streets. Many of us want to be rich, but how many of us realise that our flaws becomes more obvious and uglier when we become rich, if we don’t also become a better person at the same time?

One can imagine that if bosses treat subordinates badly, taking them for granted and acts like royalty, how much more better treatment they will provide for their maids at home? If a spouse behaviour is like that, what are the chances that the other spouse also acts the same? If the worker feels frustrated at work, is detached and is angry at his boss… would such behaviours unconsciously carried over to the home and lashed out at the maid? If the spouse is frustrated and angry, what would be the quality of life of the other spouse? What is the quality of life of the maid in such a household?

Unfortunately, most bosses do not see these important links and roles they play affecting peoples lives and neither do they really care (neither does our govt.). After all, they’ve made it, they are in power…

Is it really that bad staying in a HDB flat? Are we really happier staying in a bungalow or condo? Does being materially well off makes our characters better or worst off sometimes? How many Singaporeans are in a 30-years mortgage living month by month having to pay off their mortgage for that beautiful condo or big house or even the HDB flat? How many Singaporeans are caught in a 10-year loan for the car they loved, but couldn’t get rid of it because they will need to pay back even more to clear the loan. Does our economical success necessarily translate to a happier living and a better inner development of self? Does it leave behind the stragglers in an uncaring and materialistic society? Is our govt.’s ever increasing push for growth really good for you and me?

We are consistently being asked to delay our pursuit of happy to a later date: when we get a highly salary, when we get a new car, when we get a spouse, when we get that house. But for those who have them, we may become happier at first, but does it last? Do we not long for the next upgrade after that to be even happier?

One of the most touching scene in the movie was seeing the mother giving (what we assume) part of the inheritance from her husband to the mistress and her son. Her recognition that this mother and son as also part of her family is nothing short of understanding and magnanimous. Why could she be like that? Perhaps she is from the generation where it’s common for the husband to have mistress (perhaps like her own family or even grandfather) and that such things should not be an issue. Or perhaps she really understood that it’s possible to “possess” a person in a relationship, but never truly the heart. Or perhaps she realises that even though her husband had an affair, the affair also gave her husband some kind of happiness, maybe some aspects which she could never have provided…

How many of us fall prey to our partners’ wayward affairs… kicking up a storm, getting suicidal, getting upset and demanding total and utterly possessiveness? How many of us are magnanimous enough to accept that additional affair or even re-accept our spouse? Who planted these ideas that relationship must be possessed and somewhat owned? Are there really something that we can possess in a relationship? Are there really even something material we can truly possess in this world? You may say you possess it, but you have absolutely no control on when it breaks down, when its spoilt and how soon it may disintegrate… you definitely cannot bring it with you in death.

Possession is an ideal born out of selfishness that binds us to jealousy, hatred, anger, depression, anxiety, fear and uncertainty… when we lose grip of the things and persons we think that we can possess. Selfless love hinging on the happiness of others is the ideal that counters all these negative thoughts and emotions. But how many of us can truly be free and magnanimous, when we can’t even let go of or give away material things that we may not have touched or used for years?

I think this is the challenge for you and me. Its strange that sometimes we long for peace, we long for contentment and we long for happiness, yet we know the only way to achieve these is to let go, to let go of our pride, our ego, our materialist lifestyle, our attachments to the outside for happiness… yet most of us are not willing to take these “sacrifice” to true let go and we lament at the end how much we suffering without peace, without contentment, without happiness.

Happy Singapore Dreaming…