Salt * Wet * Fish

To “come out” does not mean that we start imposing our “gayness” on everyone we meet, except when you are doing some social experiments, like I would do some of the times. It means not to just act like “one of the boys”, it means to have the self-confidence to stand our grounds and it means not to guilty or sinful about who we are.

My friends always like to ask me why I like to wear t-shirts and wear badges that says that I’m gay. To tell the truth at this stage of my life, I am quite comfortable with myself enough such that there is no more need to be out. So one of the reason why I constantly out myself in the public is to help the society break their stereotypical view that all gay people are effeminate and a muscle queen. This is the only small part I can play for the gay community.

Now, don’t get the illusion that people will never know. Today in the Internet age, with the exposure of gay themes in cinema, news media and TV, don’t think that your friends, colleagues or family won’t start piecing one with the other. So, why give them the joy of discovery? The first step is always the scariest, but it is also a leap of faith. Nobody else can jump for you.

In the Family
A lot of people are very surprised when I tell them that my dad doesn’t know yet that his son is gay. I think coming out to the family is an issue that will be the very sensitive for most gay people and each individual should approach it as they see fit. I don’t think that any of us should pressurize anyone to come out to their family and, in my opinion, sometimes its just best that the family don’t know.

That said, however, we must never adopt an attitude that the family will not and must not know. I mean after you turn 35, your family members must really be wondering by then. Thus, we must, ourselves, be constantly prepared mentally that someone in the family will notice and will confront you with it. Not going to tell your family members doesn’t mean that they would not approach you on this subject. Neither should it mean that you can hide it from them forever.

The funny thing about outing yourself to your family (or even friends) is that you can never assume how they will react. A conservative father may react very acceptingly, whereas a liberal mother or sister may be total disgusted with that idea. Of course, most of the time your family members are as predictable as you would think of them.

Well, those who have read my previous article who know that I had came out to my sister. Things are back where they are, no changes in my sister or brother-in-laws attitudes. As we don’t really have a habit of talking about our problems or relationships, so my sister have not really brought up this issue. However, I did notice that my sister defended for me once, when my dad bugged me about marriage when we had lunch together. You see, before that my sister would agreed to and reinforce my father’s message.

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