Salt * Wet * Fish

I was still very restrained and conscious of people knowing then. I guess the gay self-confidence was not built up yet. For example, I was afraid to be associated with effeminate and loud friends. I came to understand later, that it was because I had no confidence in my own identity, hence was easily influenced by what people might have thought about me!

Now, I am much more confident about myself (probably too confident sometimes). I like to be with these so-called “loud sisters”. That laisez-faire attitude had be entertaining, fun and relaxing. Much more fun then going out with straight friends. In fact, since I came out, I had been spending most of my time with gay friends.

What helped me on the road most were my religion(s), Buddhist and Taoist teachings. These teachings helped me see the world as it is, provided me with wisdom and strength to face the toughest challenges and at the same time, convinced me that I have to help others as they come along.

Throughout these years, I came out to many of my close friends and, even, a close male colleague, they were not surprised and took it naturally. Which makes me think whether the “normal” people is as bad and inflexible as we presume.

Coming out to my sister
I came out to my sister unwillingly two years later, after I brought a guy back home for two days and my sister was questioned me about that. I just told her there and then, that he is my “boyfriend”.

One day later, she came to my room and asked me whether I needed to see a doctor. I was surprised because I was not having flu nor appeared to be sick. Then I realised that she was talking about a psychiatrist! I said, “No I don’t think so, I don’t need help,” and the matter has rested there till now. We have not talked about it after that and are still close as usual, although, I know she still hopes that I will turn out normal.

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