Coming Out
Published June 25th, 2000 in Homosexuality, Just MeIntroduction
Coming out can be a significant event for many people with homosexual preferences. For some, it’s unintended and the whole world shatters in their face, leaving them worse off then before. Yet for many others it’s a choice to do so and the results are somewhat successful. Of course, there are others who never “came out”.
To me coming out means getting ready to accept oneself as a gay person and it’s when one would like to share that knowledge with the “normal” community… not all at once though. Coming out is also a continuous process of self-discovery. Most importantly, coming out is an individual experience, it should not be forced onto people who are not (or never) ready. Everyone has their own timings for coming out. The only way I can see of encouraging people to come out is really to help them dispel their fears, doubts and uncertainty of the issue.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand…
Before coming out
I came out at the age of 26, a bit late in my years. Somehow, I don’t think it’s regretable that I came out so late. I guess it was a good time, as I had somewhat matured much more through the years working and in the army. Had I came out earlier in life, I might not have had the maturity to develop my being.
I guess I knew that I was gay since quite young in life. Being in a straight-laced community, where there had never been support for gay people, I grew up thinking that I was probably the only person in Singapore who was gay. I used to read books from the library on gay related issues (reading them in one secluded corner). Most of my initial education were from those books.
I tried dating girls, but was a natural failure…
During the secondary school days and diploma years, I was constantly infatuated with guys and girls (really). That frustration of being alone and trying to get a grip of the world that didn’t make sense just tore me apart and sometimes, I just would cry silently on my bed. However, unbeknownst to me, two of my close secondary school friends were gay too! And so where some of the female school mates.
My first mutual experience was with a fellow NCO (Corporal) in the army. Although it was frequent and continued after the army, I did not identify that as a gay thing as the other guy did not think that he was gay… so if you are doing it with a non-gay person, you are not gay, you see.
Hi Kelvin
I’ve been reading your blog (not all of it at this time, not yet anyway) and I’m quite touched by the apparent honesty and openness with which you have written about your coming out … I dont even have the courage to write about that myself on my own blog, and I disguise my sweetheart’s name with the character “S” to protect his identity, etc … Actually if you are out to so many people I guess it doesnt matter i.e. you dont need to “hide here and there” but I am just a little concerned that our largely homophobic society is still very conservative and unable to accept an open declaration of our sexuality … Nevertheless I applaud you - you have a good writing style that is easy to read and follow, and yet exhibit some depth in your personality and life experience …
I really enjoyed reading your blog and I hope you continue to write …
Although I am a Christian, I hope you dont mind me being your friend
If you are interested, I would like to meet up with you over coffee or tea - I plan also to ask my partner along for subsequent meetings (and it would be great if you can bring your partner along too) but that is if we ever hit it off and continue to be friends
Anyway, even if you are not keen its also ok with me - I still just want to say I’m really impressed with your website and all the best!